THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 10THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 10
Daisy Meets Flawless Man, Part I
Daisy walked into the little cafe one day. She sat down at the red table with its not-quite-ratty chairs and waited. The normally-prompt service was taking a bit longer than usual since it seemed to be a fairly busy day for them. She was a regular here, though, and forgave them since they had always been good to her in the past. She finally got a menu and spent the next few minutes deciding between a bagel with "the works", the Egg and Cheese Sandwich, or the Poached Salmon.
At the last minute, she decided on the Chicken Parmesan Sub. The friendly bearded waiter took her order, then her menu, and made his way behind the counter and the kitchen beyond.
Daisy sat sipping her Sprite and admired the artwork on the walls. Her gaze drifted to the window and then the college parking deck outside.
And that's when she saw him: Flawless Man.
His pictures didn't do him justice. He was so much more magnificent than television revealed. Fl
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 9THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 9
Daisy Meets the Long Island Goth Brigade
(With apologies to Sarah Vowell)
Once upon a time, Daisy visited her cousin Courtney in Long Island for a week. One night, she went with Courtney to a concert featuring some of Long Island's finest bands. She was backstage with members of Brand New, Taking Back Sunday, and The Movielife. The musicians were all hanging out, talking, and drinking some beers. Courtney was flirting with Vin Accardi of Brand New.
After the emo kids left the floor, the way was cleared for the show that was going on later that same night. Floor-staring moping kids in black teeshirts, glasses, and eyeliner were replaced with floor-staring moping kids in black trenchcoats and black and white face paint.
"Goth night, eh?" Daisy inquired.
"Guess so," replied Courtney.
"Are our backstage passes good for this show too?"
"I guess. What, you like goth now?" Courtney inquired.
"I don't know. I've never really heard any before."
"So," Courtney said, "Yo
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 8THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 8
Daisy Meets the Swarm, Part II
The creature ascended into the sky with Daisy's gun. As if taunting her, it turned around in midair and spit at her. She jumped back once more and the acid nicked her shoulder. The skin burned with pain. The pain just made her angry.
She whirled around in time to see most of the last twenty creatures diving toward her. She pulled out a grenade and lobbed it in their direction. Then she jumped backward, flipped in midair, and landed on the opposite side of the car. She ducked just as the grenade went off and splattered creature guts everywhere.
The creature with her gun was the only one visible now. She pulled out her ninja sword that is hard as a rock and sharp as a razor. She lifted the sword above her head and jumped straight up at the beast. She brought it down and split the beast in half.
She landed dramatically in a crouch. The creature landed in two pieces behind her. Then her Magic AK-47 that Never Runs out of Ammo clatter
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 7THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 7
Daisy Meets the Swarm, Part I.
Daisy was walking home from school one day when she noticed the sky start to darken. She looked up and saw what appeared to be a dark cloud. The cloud seemed to get bigger, but then she realized it was not a cloud, but a swarm of some kind of creatures. The creatures started swooping down on her town and landed in trees, on rooftops, on fence posts, and on the ground.
She watched one of the creatures land on the road in front of her, and she studied it. It was a black furry beast with red eyes, sharp teeth, sharp claws, and bat-like wings. It was about the size of a football, and it made an annoying grinding sound with its teeth.
Daisy wasn't about to hurt these creatures based on nothing but their physical appearance. She thought that they might be some undiscovered thing that had lived in the forests for years, and had finally come out to join the rest of the world.
Then, the one directly in front of her came right up to her, s
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 6THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 6
Daisy Meets Someone Online
Daisy was on the internet one day, looking for info on when Brand New or Taking Back Sunday might be playing in her town, when suddenly, an IM window popped up from someone named "CreepyGuy69".
"Hi, how are you? " it read.
"I'm okay," Daisy replied cautiously.
"A/S/L?", CreepyGuy69 asked.
"Nunya/Nunya/Nunya," she replied.
"Nunya?" he inquired.
"Nunya business," she answered.
"Oh, but I think I know a little about you. I've seen your postings on forums and message boards here and there. I think you are a young girl in your mid teens. I think you have blonde hair and blue eyes."
She thought about this, then decided what she would do.
"Okay, you got me! " she replied. "Would you like to see my picture?"
She then set up a file transfer and renamed her trace program to "PictureOfDaisy.exe" and sent that to him.
"It's a funny program that came with my webcam," she typed. "You have to run it."
"Are you sure you're n
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 5THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 5
Daisy Neuters a Bad Dog
One day, Daisy was walking through the city, looking for the place an emo band was going to play that night. Just then, she heard a short startled scream. She darted toward the alley she thought she heard it in. There, she saw a man with a gun up against the head of a young girl Daisy's age or maybe younger.
"You make one more sound, you're going to die, bitch," he said as he lifted the girl's skirt with his other hand.
Before he could get anything else up there, he found Daisy before him with her ninja sword which was hard as a rock and sharp as a razor. He was too slow to react and he soon found his hand on the ground, bloody, and with his gun still in it.
With his good hand, he grabbed the stump on his arm and screeched, "You cut off my hand, bitch!"
"Hmmm," Daisy contemplated, "I've been doing that a lot lately. But that's not all I'm going to cut off."
The man's eyes widened with fear but before he could even move, Daisy sliced off
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 4THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 4
Daisy Demonstrates the Importance of Family
Once upon a time, Daisy was at the mall with her sister Rhonda. Rhonda was a few years younger than Daisy and looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. Daisy always tried to set a good example and behave well when Rhonda was around.
Daisy and Rhonda were on their way to the food court after buying some new clothes at Hot Topic when Mister Dark Evil Shadow Man appeared from the mall crowd and jumped right in front of them. Daisy was startled and before she could react, Mister Dark Evil Shadow Man opened his tan trenchcoat to reveal his laser whip, which he used to ensnare poor Rhonda and pull her toward him. Everyone in the crowd screamed, then cowered in fear.
Reacting quickly, Daisy pulled out her Magic AK-47 that Never Runs out of Ammo and aimed it at Mister Dark Evil Shadow Man. His brown fedora and dark sunglasses blocked most of his face except his evil sneer.
"I know you can't shoot me with that," he sai
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 3THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 3
Daisy Meets a Rude Boy
One fine Autumn day, as the leaves were just beginning to change, and it was still comfortable enough to wear a summer dress, Daisy was taking a stroll down the street, wearing her pretty little summer dress.
On the opposite side of the street, she noticed a nice-looking boy who walked tall and was well-dressed. She contemplated this boy with interest until he yelled across the street, "What the hell are you looking at, you flat-chested bitch?"
Daisy did not like being talked to in that tone of voice, but she did not want punish a stupid little boy who did nothing more than talk nasty to her, so she kept on walking.
"Oh, what's the matter, cunt?" the boy yelled at her, now from behind, "You don't speak English? You some kind of foreigner from Croatia, or Slobovia, or something?"
Daisy stopped in her tracks and determined that he did, in fact, need to be taught a lesson. She turned and walked back to him. She pulled out her Magic AK-47 th
THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 2THE DAISY SAGA, EPISODE 2
Daisy Goes for a Swim
One day, Daisy went down to the beach for a swim. She wore her pretty pink, frilly swimsuit. She was all set to go for a swim, just as soon as she put the finishing touches on her sand castle. Then, along came a bikini-clad woman with really big fake boobs, who stomped on Daisy's sand castle, and kicked sand in her face.
Daisy jumped up and punched the woman in the face. She could not use her Magic AK-47 that Never Runs out of Ammo on another human, no matter how much of a bitch she was. The woman fell over with a look of utter surprise on her face. Then, she jumped back up and her face grew angry. Her eyes lit up and turned red. Her teeth became fangs, and horns grew out of her forehead.
Daisy realized that this was no human. This was, in fact, a demon from the depths of Hell itself. So, Daisy pulled out her Magic AK-47 that Never Runs out of Ammo, and blasted the demon right in the stomach.
The demon hit the ground and bellowed in pain.